The Price of Contentment

This morning, Dan and I were reading "Vagabonding" by Rolf Polls, based on the recommendation of Tim Ferris. In summery, the book outlines avenues humans can take to pause the material and consumer goals which drive our work, social lives, and comforts, in exchange for mental and spiritual exploration of ourselves; literally. 

I always considered myself, and even identified as an adventurous person. However, as we read, anxiety grew in my chest thinking about how much easier life would be to follow the rules my parents provided. Although never explicitly stated, the rules look a bit like this, in no particular order:

• Choose a career which offers security, and unlimited upside. 
• Family is a priority. 
• Don't complain, be thankful. 

These priorities go hand in-hand. 

Right now, I'm working at as an Account Executive, selling corporate training programs to companies looking to upskill and reskill their staff. Generally, human resources and technology leaders invest in elearning to provide similar advice to their employees. Through education, humans gain unlimited upside. And through working in sales, my effort has a nearly direct impact on the upside of my income. 

I like my career in the "SaaS" industry. I like the security it offers me. I learn something new most days, and my schedule is flexible enough that I don't feel stressed or bogged down by my chosen career. Also, I'm good at it.  

I tend to admire my parents' tenacity, in regards to the careers they built. For my entire childhood, they woke up at 5:00am and commuted 45 minutes to New York City where they had polished reputations, long-standing relationships, and careers built based on a trade off of working hours for dollars. It sounds, to some, like a monotonous routine, however as I've grown up I understand that the source of self esteem for my parents is closely tied to the careers they built. It's no wonder I feel a certain sense of security in this type of controllable and predictable life. After all, there are so many people who hate their work, or simply hop around jobs due to a sense of un-fulfillment. 

I'm happy to feel content in my career, as my parents always have and still do. I also recognize that contentment could be the source of my own anxiety towards adventure and unstructured time. I also recognize, from seeing my parents, that the older we get, the more difficult it is to change. Yes, a career in SaaS sales is one that will offer me a certain type of self esteem, but will it lend its self to the mental freedom to keep risk taking as I get older? Probably not. 

Family is a priority shouldn't be a complicated ask, especially since my parents and grandparents made majority of their choices based on this ideal. The problem I have is that the respect and prioritization of my family happens to be contingent on the choices I make in my career. By following my parent's path in making responsible, controllable choices in regards to my career, I never fear not being able to fly home for Christmas, and even get the gift of finally treating my parents for dinner every once in awhile. Again, this monetary freedom lends a nice stroke to my ego, and I can sense makes my parents feel they have done a good job as well. This connection also lends its self to guilt when I'm not pushing forward in my career, in the traditional hours for dollars. The more content and successful I am in my career, the more I feel I can prioritize my family while eliminating any sense of guilt of being "unsuccessful". I never want to be a burden. 

I need to change this idea that if I don't have a traditional career I won't be successful. And that if I don't have a traditionally career I won't be prioritizing my family. This idea has made me, on paper, logical, but is stunting my ability to be creative and take risks. 

I am extremely thankful for the life I have, and the ability to make logical decisions. I think logic is also what sparked this sense of anxiety of things outside of the normal. Maybe the structure in my parent's lives should allow me the courage to take new risks. Risks like starting a business, or taking extended time off, or hopefully both. I would like to view the world not just by seeking contentment, although I still think that is important. I must not be so content that I fear change, or trying out a type of life that wasn't presented before me. After all, the choices we make don't always need to be good or bad. They can simply just be a choice and a path in which we learn along the way.