Romantic Relationships, and the Impact they have on Successful Women

 I am getting married to a wonderful person named Dan this year. 

Dan and I met when I was 22 and living in the lower east side of New York City. Currently, I am 27 and living in Denver, Colorado. Starting a relationship in my early 20s has been more beneficial than I could have ever imagined. When we met, I was actually reluctant to get serious, as I could tell Dan was one of the good ones, and I wasn't quite ready to let go of the freedom and unique friendships which go alongside being a single young women. There are undoubtedly benefits to being without a romantic partner, like fostering friendships, spending more time alone, and the ability to make decisions which only influence you. However, as someone who lacks a certain level of discipline, having Dan as a positive influence has helped me make better choices overall. 

Eventually, obviously, Dan and I started a real relationship. We only knew each other one year in New York before packing up my Nissan and heading to start a different life in Denver, where we now own half a duplex and are pursuing careers in tech. Before leaving New York, we had a conversation about choosing each other. When friends ask me about how things tend to be easy breezy for Dan and I, I often reference this conversation. How can anyone have emotional stability with their partner without saying, "I don't know what I don't know right now, but I think we should choose to go through life together." Romance doesn't need to be mysterious. It's actually much better if it's extremely honest. 

Although unfashionable to admit, I credit my successes in my early and mid-twenties to the stability my relationship has offered. I think, as women, we are hyper aware to be seen is completely independent. Is it still ok, as women, to admit how much help we need from the people around us in order to stay sane while we carry the weight of relationships, careers, and our homes? Let's take a look at some of the most influential women in 2021, and the relationships they have (or had). 

For the purpose of the post, I'm going to focus on powerful American women. Mostly because when it comes to romantic relationships, location impacts what's typical across cultures. On the Forbes, World's Most Powerful Women in 2021 list, the top three American women are: 

1. Mackenzie Scott

2. Kamala Harris

3. Mary Barra

The conversation right now, regarding romantic relationships, in no way discredits the work these women have done in their respective fields. More-so, I'm curious the correlation between these successful careers and the romantic relationships in their lives. I'm looking for quotes or credit towards their partners, and if these women have referenced them as a positive catalyst in their lives. 

This Business Insider article outlines Mackenzie Scott and Jeff Bezos' 25 year relationship. Assuming (maybe wrongly) that this article is accurate, Scott and Bezos' relationship began in college, pre-Amazon days, with an engagement after only a three month relationship and a marriage quickly after. Scott grew into a novelist, Amazon accountant, mother, and wife over the 25 years of marriage. Only two years after divorce, she was remarried to Dan Jewett. 

As a stranger, it appears Mackenzie Scott also values the security of a decisive relationship. Despite the divorce, I don't think anyone could call 25 years of marriage, four kids, and two thriving careers as a failure. Additionally, it's clear Scott isn't jaded by love, because she chose to remarry relatively quickly. 

I started googling "Kamala Harris relationship history", and much of what pops up is the worst of society. Articles on articles outlining unflattering stories of the Vice President's old boyfriends, high-profile relationships, and lies about infidelity. It's clear the media is unfairly harsh towards Vice President Harris. As an influential women of color, Kamala Harris bares of weight of all women who look like her. 

If I compare Scott to Harris (understanding this is comparing apples to oranges), it's impossible to ignore that Scott is put on a pedestal as a supportive wife, mother, and philanthropist. For Harris, despite making political, and cultural leaps and bounds in her career and as a role model, is often viewed as a floozy in the media in regards to her dating history. 

The Vice President married Doug Emhoff in 2014, and is called "Mamala" by his two children. After dating one year, they married. In the media, Emhoff describes his relationship with Harris as "love at first sight." Vogue highlighted the non-traditional marriage in an article in May 2021, discussing Harris' decision to marry in her late 40s. Given that Harris was already Attorney General when she met Emhoff, it's clear the success of her career and overall self-worth was not contingent on the support of a romantic relationship. It is unfortunate that despite all her successes, the media is consumed by judgmental stories of her romantic history.

Mary Barra clearly has the luxury of privacy in her romantic relationship. From what I can piece together through my web search, Barra met her husband, Anthony, at Kettering University around 1985. They have two kids. I can't speculate the role "Tony" played in Mary Barra's life, because there's limited information regarding their relationship. 

Based on a quick look into the romantic lives of these successful women, it's obvious I can't assume whether or not romantic relationships had a large impact on the independent achievements in their lives. It's curious how each of these women are rarely quoted in the media speaking about their relationships at all.  

I wonder if successful women typically shy aware from talking about romantic relationships? Considering the impact my relationship has on my short stint as an adult, I am shocked to notice women with long, successful stories leaving out details of how romantic relationships impact their choices. 

The personal, professional, and spiritual goals and conversations Dan and I participate in hold each other accountable to leverage every day as an opportunity to grow. Having each other also means daily trust and support.

Maybe, we should talk more candidly about the impact our romantic relationships have on our independent lives. And if it's not a romantic relationship impacting our independent lives, surely there are other types of relationships playing important roles.